So three more stars grace the hereafter over this short Christmas break. Zsa Zsa Gabor who’s been around since always, George Michael whom everybody knows and who’s music is engraved on everybody’s brain at some point. Liz Smith…who’s appearances in The Royle Family, The Vicar Of Dibley and Bottom has kept us giggling over the last 25 years. And now Carrie Fisher, just 60 years old and most famous for Princess Leia in the Star Wars franchise.
The Grim Reaper keeps harvesting all my childhood heroes and theyre only going to increase in rate as we grow older, but then this is the circle of life. It can come at any age for any reason. We should enjoy our lives and loved ones with precious grace so that we are remembered fondly when we have no more presence.
Be awesome to each other for a better future. Sometimes all it can take is you to make the first move even if you don’t feel you should…and then the world becomes a better place. Simply stay away from those who antagonize you for a clearer and more enjoyable life. Civility can be all.
Here are some UK numbers you may find useful if you need any help in your life. Be sure to share if you wish.
Childline: 0800 1111
Samaritans 116 123
Domestic Violence Hotline: 0808 2000 247
Mind 0300 123 3393
Age UK 0800 169 6565
Alcoholics Anonymous 0800 9177 650
Like the old adage says, “..#Loving someone is giving them the power to hurt you more than anyone else but trusting them implicitly not to. It hurts twice as bad because they didnt only hurt you, they broke your trust in them not to.”
I know this. As I have mentioned in previous posts its happened to me before and I sank into such a state of #depression it felt like the physical world was an immaterial reality conjured in my head. I have been actively searching for happiness for well over two years now. Finally, Victoria has come along and blown all the unhappiness of my past out of the water, smashing all of it into a #Google Plex of pieces. Something I never thought could happen.
So those of you I entrusted with this power and you breached my #trust, you have been outdone by a woman more powerful than you could ever dream to be, she has repaired what you damaged and now has the #power I initially bestowed to you tenfold!
To all those of you readers out there who have been through similar heartaches, never give up. Ever. Keep trying and trying, don’t ever blame yourself if you have been cheated on or ditched for no apparent reason. There are happy times ahead, but only if you let go and move on. Let #karma sort out the assholes, you’re a far better person than they are and are not worth a second of your time. Bless you all x
I #love you Victoria
Been thinking about all the mistakes I’ve made in life. Not just the adult ones but also the mistakes from year dot. Been weighing up what sort of kid I was. I was bullied but in the cold light of day I also bullied. Maybe to tilt the balance as I wouldn’t say I was genuinely evil at heart and not sure anyone else would. My kind of bullying was more winding up than physical assault. There was a few occasions where I ended up hurting people physically but these were never intentional, just pranks or reactions that went wrong. If I could relive life these are the things I would prevent.Mel, Craig, Daryl, Emma. My apologies to you all I will carry the guilt to my grave.
However, life never gave me many great breaks. People often say its a kop out when you blame somebody else but I largely hold my mother responsible as she brought me up. Seemed to be living some twisted 1940s role play all through the eighties. She wouldn’t go out to work and would rather live of a tiny child benefit. Surely that was to be used for the child right? Clues in the title. Mind you , she screwed her daughters out of inheritances so why not me out of child maintenance. She screwed up my chance of going to college, and also threatened to get rid of my dog if I moved back to Kent. Also stung me for the final years Council Tax bill on the house I grew up in.
When I finally did manage to get away at age 23, I’d become Gill’s house share. The first couple of years were alright, but in hindsight Gill and many of the people I socialised with through her did my self confidence much good. The very soonest I should have moved out (although I shouldn’t have moved in with her in the first place) was 2003. She was the type of person would would press you in to taking her advice. If it went ok she would take all the credit, if it didn’t she wouldn’t even say ‘sorry’ but give you the old “You have your own mind its not my problem” routine. Then of course in 2005 she went back to work after many years benefit grasping. It was like she was the only person that had ever worked. It would take her 25 minutes to tell a five minute anecdote of that days labour. (Yes, I timed it) Even her own friends and family stopped visiting as much as she just became so boring to speak to.
Eventually the time would come to move out of Birchwood Avenue. That’s the night I knew I had to move away from Gill. The new house on Abingdon Avenue would have a few extra rooms. As a keen gardener I mentioned this night that I would love to keep some house plants in the conservatory. Under her breath I heard her mutter “you fucking wont”. I asked ‘What?’ and she shook her head in denial she had spoke. I knew for certain I…or rather my income… was simply being used to keep her living independently. I worked every last bit of overtime I could to get the debts her ‘career advice’ put me in paid off. It would take four years before I could make this move by which time tolerance was at breaking point. I was paying for half a house and was confined to two tiny rooms, one of which she hijacked for her friend to stay in and even having the nerve to unplug Ramona’s vivarium for a full week to get a bed in there. (I know she also let guests sleep in my bed when I wasn’t there. I was angry beyond angry…my sister bought me that bed from new)
So here I am… now living in a lodge style house I could never have dreamed of living in… at the same price, with 2 lovely large rooms of my own, a cellar, scullery, pantry etc. It’s like Cluedo lol. The guys I share with can get quite loud but I don’t mind, because not once have they tried to encroach my agreed living space, nor have I been made to feel bad in myself, ugly or taken for granted. Real friends that help get me by. As long as this continues, I am a happy Jam indeed.
Ok maybe not directly yesterday but I have learned a lot over the past three years. First of all if something really ticks you off then move on. It took a bit of working out at the time because it involved relocating but there’s a difference between sharing a house and paying for half a house and being expected to have one room to oneself. God if they could see me now in this palace the envy would ooze from them lol.
Secondly, when someone does you a favour it doesn’t mean you’re indebted to them forever, especially if they start dissing your other friends whom they don’t even know. If they take something so petty as to even remove you from their Facebook friends list then they can’t have given that much of a moral damn about you in the first place and was probably only in it to make a quick quid. Better off without and good luck to them.
Thirdly no matter how much it hurts at the time and whatever reason got you low, you will get over it if you give it time. There genuinely are happier times ahead maybe more so than ever before. Having experienced all these myself has made me a better and stronger minded person who will deflect negativity and get on with the nicer times.
I’d like to give anyone suffering from depressing times one piece of advice. Be around the friends or family in your life that matter. Even if you don’t want them to know what’s going on, mingle and chat with the rest of what dear to you. I won’t lie, it will take a few weeks but will promise you will be over it and back on form like never before! x
Speech over, enjoy your day 🙂